Throwback Thursday: Recognition Costs Nothing

This was originally published in Bob Pike’s Creative Training Techniques Newsletter in June 1994.

Humility prevents us from accepting thanks, even when we’ve earned it.

It’s ironic, or maybe it’s just a symptom of living in an era when articles about antidepressant medications are as common as comic strips in local newspapers, that it often seems the people most deserving of praise and gratitude have the hardest time accepting it.

Maybe humility is a sign of greatness. Maybe it’s a prerequisite.

Or maybe we’re just so programmed to focus on our failures and weaknesses that we become incapable of really feeling the warmth and strength of kind words.

Hyler Bracey, a founder of the Atlanta Consulting Group, tells a story about his grandmother who, with loving intentions, would chide him for his errors when he came home from grade school with a couple of mistakes on his spelling tests.

She wouldn’t comment on the 98% of the words he got right.

And when he came home with a perfect paper, she’d warn him not to get cocky about how smart he was.

He couldn’t win.

She only wanted him to do well, but maybe it’s these kinds of misguided intentions, which hit us from every direction, that set us up for never believing we’re quite good enough.

Maybe it’s our noble focus on perfection and competition that keeps us from acknowledging our essential worth.

In our classrooms, we see the symptoms in people who won’t open themselves up to learning for fear of failure, who are reluctant to ask for help when they need it, even in people who excel but can’t admit it.

Whatever the cause of these symptoms, I look around and see plenty of people who would be better off if they were a little kinder to themselves.

I see people who could use some practice and a little help learning to do that.

If we’re doing a good job involving people in our training, participants are learning a lot from each other.

Bracey used a closing exercise at a recent association meeting that can work well in many training situations to give people a chance to show, and feel, some appreciation for that help when they say good-bye.

He acknowledged that the 150 of us who had been working together in breakouts and general sessions probably all felt we had learned some things from each other.

Instead of a formal closing, he had us move around the meeting room to find the people who had been helpful to us in some way.

When we found someone, we were supposed to make eye contact, shake hands, and express some specific appreciation.

The recipient’s job was just to take it in and say, “Thank you.”

We weren’t allowed to return feedback, unless we first split off and found each other again later in the process.

That “rule” eliminates the chance of diminishing someone’s appreciation by offering a reflex response. It also frees people of feeling any obligation to express appreciation.

Most of us moved around the room for about 15 minutes.

It was a kind of celebration.

It encouraged us to begin planning who we would want to follow up with after the meeting.

It tied together several days of thinking and working.

It was an effective way to cap a few days of intense learning and to deliver credit where it was due.

Most important...it just felt pretty nice.

Duane’s Take

What stands out to me isn’t just Bob’s point about accepting appreciation. It’s his closing activity.

Think about how most training programs end today.

“We’re out of time.”

“Please complete the evaluation.”

“Drive home safely.”

We spend hours helping people learn together, solve problems together, and build relationships. Then we end by thanking everyone and sending them out the door.

Bob offered something different.

He gave participants a chance to tell each other, “You helped me.”

That’s a powerful way to end a learning experience.

People don’t always know the impact they’ve had on someone else. A simple conversation at a table. A thoughtful question. A helpful suggestion during an activity. Those moments often matter more than we realize.

The exercise also reminds us that learning isn’t just about content. It’s about people.

As trainers, we spend a lot of time thinking about opening activities, engagement techniques, and memorable closings. But maybe one of the most memorable things we can do is create a moment where participants recognize each other’s contributions.

That kind of recognition costs nothing.

But people tend to remember it long after they’ve forgotten the slides.

And as Bob used to say,
Until next time, add value and make a difference.